Wednesday Night Lights M2s Match Highlights

Posted on December 03, 2018

In sport, there are historic rivalries: India and Pakistan, Ali and Frazier, Manchester United and Liverpool, St Andrews Men's 2s and Heriot Watt. A capacity crowd awaited this monumental clash of two hockey giants, and they were certainly not disappointed. Mark Adshead gave a speech worthy of winning St Andrews Student Leader of the Year 2018, while the ever-vocal Andrew Duncan ensured his opinions were also known. Fortunately for all involved, Matthew Deighan was able to recover from the devastating news that his special umpiring shirt matched the Heriot Watt strip, and was able to source an alternate shirt, to complete his classy shell suit outfit.                               

The Saints started brightly, with McCulloch netting early on, followed by Creedy x2, Stirling and another two thirds of the team. Gregor Vagg was miraculously able to concentrate on hockey, despite the attendance of many of the W2s, 4s and 5s!! Ali McCulloch and his doppelganger Ali Goodfellow set up a formidable double castle for the multitude of short corners won, and subsequently binned. The Heriot Watt runners were clearly taking all the necessary fire safety precautions by avoiding the ginger duo at the top of the D. Similarly, it was fortunate for BNOC and Other Guy Peter Folkes that there were no strangers nor gin on the side-lines, only the esteemed Men's Hockey Club Relations officer Jamie Hogarth and his megaphone, which was almost as loud as Andrew Duncan whispering. 

Rory Turnbull offered a solid presence at right back, while Ben McConkey was a constant threat going forward down the other flank. It would be fair to say that Alistair Bird's successes were confined to 601, rather than the AstroTurf. The Fortress resembled the greens of the Old Course providing fantastic speed to this great game. Adshead played the Sergio Busquets role in holding midfield, with a physical performance more akin to those of the legendary Robbie Savage. We can see who inspired the mullet... President Toby Fulton was a constant threat putting almost as much effort into his performance as the weekly email, while Tom "I don't like hockey" Litchfield played some good and abysmal passes. Unfortunately, due to unsustainable fishing practices, Tuna was unavailable. I'm confident that David Attenborough will be using Raven's CCTV footage of Rhino, accompanied by special guest Mrs Rhino (travelling from the exotic Durham), charging around the pitch in his next documentary. Fortunately, Archie Stirling isn't allergic to scoring banging goals or getting sin-binned by the power hungry, alternate shirt wearing dictator Matthew Deighan.  Jack Williamson, no doubt fuelled by his chicken sandwich, organically sourced from the changing room bin, ran about a bit. He also knew a few of the Heriot Watt players from school, has he told you he went to ESM?

Overall, an exquisite win against a team we'd only beaten 2-1 in the return fixture. Final Score 11-0. Hopefully Heriot Watt didn’t stuck in “terrible traffic” on the way back to Edinburgh. Over and out, Rabies.